Talented

"After seeing so many failed relationships, and more than a good handful of broken engagements and divorces, there’s that risk of disillusionment. But one thing I believe with all my heart is that anything that’s worth gaining comes with great risk. And in this life, what is more worthwhile, what is more fulfilling, what is more beautiful, than risking it all for the sake of love?" - Junshien Lau.

He is my favourite photographers of all times. I want to, one day, have my pictures taken by him before I grow too old. He is young, he is fun, he is smart, he is creative, he is talented. He is my celebrity crush. His pictures are so beautiful and they never cease to impress and amaze me.

www.junshien.com

New Year Survey

Where did you begin the year?
Iced Cafe, while the restaurant was still being renovated.

2) What was your status by Valentine's Day?
Happily single :) (didn't know what I was missing out on XD)

3) Were you in school anytime this year?
Until April. But heading back to school soon, woots!

4) How did you earn your money?
Work, work, and WORK!

5) Did you have to go to the hospital?
Haha, way too much and way too often.

6) Did you have any encounters with the police?
For work purposes for one situation only.

7) Where did you go on holiday?
This was a holiday-filled year. NYC, Vegas, Whistler, Portland, and Seattle. But I want more holiday!

8) What did you purchase that was over $1000?
Mmmm my vacation costs.

9) Did you know anybody who got married?
No weddings this year :(

10) Did you know anybody who passed away?
Noone I knew personally.

12) Did you move anywhere?
Nopes. I love our home now. 

14) What concerts/shows did you go to?
Chicago, Phantom, and Wicked while in NY.
Magic show in Vegas.
Eason next week! *excited much*

15) Are you registered to vote?
Yes

16) Who did you want to win Big BrotherANTM?
I don't care.

17) Where do you live now?
Home. Though sometimes I wish I lived in Nanaimo.

18) Describe your birthday.
Waited for Allen to come home, Then we went to Charcoal for dinner and Dot for partfait dessert. Then QE park and River Road :)

19) What's one thing you thought you'd never do but did this year?
Clubbing

20) What has been your favorite moment?
Way too many favourite moments with Allen :)

21) What's something you learned about yourself?
I can cook! 

22.) Any new additions to your family?
Nopes 

23.) What was your best month?
July and September 

24.) What music will you remember the year by?
Lucky and Just the Way You Are 

25) Who has been your best shopping buddy?Myself XD But I loved shopping for Allen. :)
 
26) Made new friends?
Yup! 

27) Best NEW friend?
Allen.  

28) Favorite night out?
July 31. 

29) 3 People you've dated?
Allen, Allen, and Allen :) 

30) Have you kissed any of the three from q.29?
Muah!

31) Kiss any one of the same sex?
I didn't kiss anyone, but Joti kissed me many times XD

33) Something you look forward to before the new year?
Eason's concert!  

34) Where will you start the new year?
At work, sadly :(  
 

Reality Nursing

It's been 4 months since I have started working as an independent RN. No more instructors stalking me, no more too many people to report to, no more being controlled and judged by other nurses. It's been overwhelming, yet there is no doubt that the nursing world has been treating me nicely.

I got lucky. Working in 5 different units allowed me nice breaks from all the diaper changes, bums wiping, and many other odd things we do. I hate it. I hate how our surgical floors are bombarded by handicapped medical patients that don't belong there. I hate how us surgical nurses are doing medical work that we shouldn't be doing. I hate how much I hate being a medical nurse. 

And now. Now that I got even luckier and got to jump into a full time line, I don't really know what to do with this kind of luck. I can't complain, I am one of the few that got into a full time position this quick after graduation. But I worry, I worry now that I am "stuck" at one unit, I will get sick and tired of it too soon. "It" may simply refer to the one unit, though I am afraid "It" might somewhere down the road mean "the real nursing world". 

I remember when I was a student or when I first graduated, how excited I was to be a real nurse. But the last few months have taught me nursing really isn't what I expected it to be. I have limited autonomy in my practice, I have little control over my patient care, and I am given little credit for my knowledge and for what I know is right. 

I want to give the best patient care possible, I want to be a nurse that does more than completing tasks, I want many other things to fulfill what I think is the ideal nursing role. Yet the longer I am in this real nursing world, the more I realize how far I am from possibly becoming that ideal nurse. No, I am not going to quit nursing right now. But if the future of my nursing career continues to be what it has been like in the last 4 months, I might become a statistic and drop out of nursing within 5 years of graduation. 

Maybe I just need to specialize into areas with quicker patient turnover or areas that give me adrenaline rush. Maybe. I hope that's all I need. 

:)

We went to Whistler.

We had fun. :)

We are excited for our next trip. =)

To My Future Hubby

It isn't the first time I've seen it, but it warms my heart and restores my faith every time. What is this that I speak of?...

My patient went home the other day. Her husband and her held hands when leaving the hospital. They are 80 something years old. It warms my heart every time I see that. My patients often tell me their stories with their husbands/wives. I see couples taking care of each other, worrying about each other, and loving each other every day that I work. And they restore my faith in relationships, in marriages.

To my future hubby, when I am 80, old and wrinkly, will you still hold my hand and tell me that you love me? Will you help me fancy up my walker with Winnie the Pooh? Will you bring me to the beach in my wheelchair? ... ... ... Will I ever find you? 

I wish...

I wish my feet were just one size bigger, so I can wear many more pretty shoes. I really want to fit into those shoes I saw today!!! :(

I wish I was two inches taller, so I can wear many more pretty clothes.

I wish I was 5 pounds skinnier, also so I can wear many more pretty clothes.

I wish my eyes were just a little bigger, so I can be prettier.

I wish my fingers were longer, so I can play piano better. 

I wish I was smarter, so I don't have to study. And so I can be doctor, so I wouldn't be jobless right now. 

I wish I liked numbers more and was more customer-tolerating and customer-friendly, so I wouldn't mind working at the bank, also so I wouldn't be jobless right now. 

I wish many other things of myself... but I guess if it all came true, I wouldn't be ME. I would also be very broke from buying all the pretty shoes and pretty clothes that I could fit into. =P

Fun in the Gym

I've joined the gym for almost a year now. I like it :) I have spent a lot of frustrating days there to destress before going home, though I go much less now since I don't have a car anymore. 

There's just one thing - there's too many nakedness in the changing room! People, just put on some clothes! It is SO unnecessary for people to sit there naked... texting. I understand if you are in the midst of changing, but don't just sit there! 

Be A Great Nurse

Many people tell me that I will be a great nurse. "You are going to be great nurse!" - I often hear similar lines from my patients, my nurses, and my supervisors. My favourite so far is "here comes my super-nurse!". There are also times when I think I will be a great nurse too! 

Yet here I am, having completed my final preceptorship, wondering how I will become this great nurse that many people tell me I will eventually be. At my ESN interview awhile back, the interviewer asked me what makes a good nurse. I said, "one who cares, with knowledge and experience, makes a good nurse". 

I care.
I only have some knowledge.
I need more experience.
I am determined to be a great nurse.

To Langara Nursing Grad 2010: the end is near. Let's all be great nurses together. :) Cheers!

What are you grateful for?

Three years of nursing. Though I haven't quite seen it all, I have seen enough that I at least know how to handle some of the situations. I have an idea of what to do, how to react, how to intervene, and I am starting to know what to say. I only know very little, I don't know enough, but I know some. 

Today, a newborn baby died in our OR. After working on the baby for 1/2 hour, we did get a faint pulse at some point, but it just wasn't meant to be in the end. 

What do you say to the parents after, who spent an hour with us at PACU? How do you ask the typical questions of "how are you feeling?", "you feeling alright there?", "any pain?", "you feel ready to go up to the ward?"... etc. I was at lost of words. And I wonder how I will ever learn to handle such situations. 

I am grateful that I was born healthy. What are you grateful for?

Passion for Life

I love watching So You Think You Can Dance. It is not only because I love watching dance shows, but also because it inspires me to watch people doing something with such passion and dedication. I often forget what it is like to have such love and passion for something. I have missed that feeling. 

I find it inspiring. When I look at the dancers, that's who they are, that's all they have. Everything they have in life, they have put it all into dancing, because they love it that much. Or when I listen to their stories, their lives have been completely turned around because they got into dancing, and they love it that much.

Life is short, and to be able to find one thing that you absolutely love is difficult. Not everyone is fortunate enough to be able to find that one thing. I found it, then had to leave it behind. I loved being in cadets. During the 7 years, "being a cadet" was all that mattered to me. It was where I built my confidence, it was where I discovered myself, it was where I grew up, it was where I learned many life lessons. If I wasn't a cadet, I wouldn't know who I was or who I would become. Yet, life moves on, and I had to too. After leaving cadets, I have not found anything else I am equally passionate about. I have tried to get involved in different organizations, joining different classes, learning or doing different things. 

I still have not found the same passion, but I will keep looking because that passion is needed to make life meaningful and to live life to the fullest. Where is your passion?