July 2011

I have about 5 unfinished blog posts by now. I have this habit of starting to write, but never finishing them. I sometimes end up deleting a lot of the unfinished posts. It's an important month coming up though, which has gotten me thinking a little more than I usually do. 

Career has probably been the biggest scheme of my thinking in the last year, and even more so in the last few months. I am meeting my new manager in two weeks, and starting my new job shortly after that. It is scary and exciting all at the same time. I often become timid, and wonder if I'm jumping ahead of myself, and if I will be able to handle the stress and the emotion that happens in the emergency room. First of all, it's a completely different clientèle. There will be many people that come into the emergency room for what we consider non-legit. However, we are obligated to admit and treat them regardless how ridiculous their complaints are. There will be times that we are dealing with rude patients that get more agitated from waiting. There will be psych patients - my worst fear in nursing (I always say I would quit nursing altogether before I become a psych nurse). Apparently there are a lot of psychiatric patients that come through the ER doors, and we are the ones to assess and treat them still. I had completely bypassed psychiatry through my years of training, and I am still unsure of how well I will be able to work with those patients. 

But I heard something reassuring today. One of my greatest role models of all times told my coworker/friend this: "I keep seeing her growing and maturing, she will be great in Emerg". "Her" being Joanas. Knowing this came from a supervisor that watched me work since I started as a student three years ago really warmed my heart. I am confident in my nursing abilities, but I still often wonder if I am good enough, and I still often fear of making mistakes or being negligent. Fear is good though, it keeps me in line. But now I know, even the person that has worked with me since I was a tiny unnoticeable potato thinks I am ready. So maybe I am ready for this challenge. Emerg, here Joanas comes! 

Then comes our one year anniversary. My relationship with Allen has been exactly like how I imagined a functional relationship should be - so effortless. We always know what each other are thinking - I'm sure having been friends for so many years helps XD I find our relationship very simple - we just want to be with each other. Our friend had told me that the honeymoon period lasts 3 months, and another friend told me it lasts 9 months. For us? We have yet to find out how long this honeymoon period will last ^^

Final thought, I need to pick up a hobby...

Helen & Keith

My friends from highschool got married over the weekend. I remember being really good friends with both the bride and the groom. But due to various reasons, we have drifted far apart over the years. Regardless, it was emotional and exciting to witness them committing themselves to each other.

I love weddings :) weddings are always so happy! Josie used to say that being a wedding officiant has to be the " happiest" job, haha. Probably true.

Some movie taught me that when the bride is walking down the aisle, everyone pays attention to the bride -- how happy, how gorgeous, and how radiant she is. All of which was true for Helen. However, it is sometimes equally, if not more, emotional to look at the groom while the bride walks down the aisle -- to see their expectant and admiring smiles.

Though we haven't kept in touch in the last few years, it doesn't take much to know how perfect Keith and Helen are for each other. All the best to them :)

Pictures to come... maybe XD

Orange

This past year has been crazy. Both good and bad. 

Work has been more mentally exhausting than ever. I remember finishing my final preceptorship was an exciting time. Everyone had all sorts of advice and tips to give me, amongst which were often negative -- "it'll be a roller coaster", "you'll never get used to the hospital politics", "you will get so bitter so quick being on a regular ward"... etc etc. Despite everything, I was excited to finally be done. I always knew I would miss school, but I never realized it would be because I would get so sick of work. 

There are no easy solutions to an aging population. I don't have an answer, but I do know that what we are doing just isn't working. Our practices are becoming so unsafe, and are causing people sicker quicker. It is heart-breaking sometimes, and I often question HOW am I expected to work. Fighting to deliver decent patient care against hospital politics is the most disgusting.

Picking up a full-time, paid training, position in the emergency room is like a dream come true. I can only wonder who to thank for such blessings -- less than a year out of school, and already been given such a great opportunity. It is exciting, scary, reassuring, frightening, encouraging, humbling... ... all at the same time. Though at the bottom of my heart, I wonder if, again, it'll only a matter of time before I'm bored and want a new challenge again. I'm so "orange" and I need new and shiny things all the time, that it sure gets slightly annoying.

Finally, I love Allen. He is simply the best guy any girl could ever ask for. Just a thought. :)

Yes, we are always this happy when we are together :P

Career

1:20am and I can't sleep. I've started my BCIT course for almost a week now. I'm really glad I decided to go back to school again. My life was getting boring, and I needed something more. However, school has made me think about my career more. I've forgotten what it's like to enjoy working, I don't remember what it's like to not drag my feet into work. I know I need to be patient until other opportunities come along, but I don't want to be. I've been trying to jump over red tapes and duck under ropes, I've exhausted my connections, but I'm still stuck at where I don't want to be. What to do... What to do...

Talented

"After seeing so many failed relationships, and more than a good handful of broken engagements and divorces, there’s that risk of disillusionment. But one thing I believe with all my heart is that anything that’s worth gaining comes with great risk. And in this life, what is more worthwhile, what is more fulfilling, what is more beautiful, than risking it all for the sake of love?" - Junshien Lau.

He is my favourite photographers of all times. I want to, one day, have my pictures taken by him before I grow too old. He is young, he is fun, he is smart, he is creative, he is talented. He is my celebrity crush. His pictures are so beautiful and they never cease to impress and amaze me.

www.junshien.com