Sleepless Nights

Need to wake up in a few hours but unable to fall asleep. Once in awhile, I have these nights that thoughts race through my mind and I can't find any peace. Every time I work through these emotions, I remind myself that this is no big deal. I remind myself that I will be at a better place once I work through it. Everyone says "you are a tough cookie". All my friends tell me that they know I will pull through, cause I wouldn't let myself do otherwise. Noone understands what it's like to put up a strong front yet feeling so fragile and vulnerable inside. I make myself try so hard... everyday. 

During this time that I'm getting a divorce, some of my closest friends are getting married. It's quite ironic that at one table, we would talk about my disappointing divorce and someone's exciting wedding planning as conversation over the same dinner. Just like while someone mourns over a death, we are quietly celebrating someone's birthday at the nurse's station. I, being in the medical profession, should understand this is all part of life. 

A part of me can't help but linger at the thought that had we not gotten married, we may still probably be happily dating. To some extent, that may be the most heart breaking. 相愛而不能相處, so cliché yet so true.